Random thoughts about Sam's Club, cars, and the oil industry

I went to Sam's Club today to stock up on the monthly allotment of items we figure are cheaper there, and thus warrants a special trip to a store I don't especially like going to. I think it's stupid that I have to pay for a membership to buy things in any store, first of all. Also, it doesn't make sense to me that you can buy new tires, a steak, socks, and a basketball hoop all in one place. Actually, it's the food part that bothers me. While I was there, I noticed more food sample people were working than usual.

And it got me thinking.

Does anyone else find their food samples disgusting? Today, they were serving Sloppy Joes and chicken and rice soup, among other things. These workers are probably very clean, good people. But the minute you put on a hair net and plastic gloves on your fingers, chances are I am very unlikely to eat food from you. Once, I saw a worker giving out beef jerky in little plastic cups. Sam's little food kiosks have to go.

I had to mail our oil bill today. This month's total was $697, which I hope lasts a few months. When I pulled into the post office parking lot, I saw two identical Buick Centurys parked next to each other. Silver. Four-door. Probably grey cloth seats, but I wasn't sure. An elderly man walked out of one, and an elderly woman owned the other. Anyway, this made me think: Why do older people like Buicks? The next time you're out and feel like it, look around. Buicks are owned by people 60 and above. I am not bashing people in that age group. I am wondering though, what they see in Buicks. What is it about that demographic and Buicks? Buick does not produce stylish automobiles. They are not the most reliable cars, either, according to Consumer Reports. Accords and Camrys are. So... is it the bench seat? The old-fashioned needle spedometer? My parents had three Buicks - two Skylarks and a Regal. None were fantastic cars. I suppose they were the best of what General Motors had to offer. Maybe it's still that way.

Back to oil. Prices have hit record highs this year, soaring past $100 a barrel. Media report that it could get even worse. There is talk about a lack of oil reserves internationally. There is an energy crisis. Our utility bills go up. All of this craziness and what did I see today on the highway? A brand spanking new oil truck. It was shiny steel, pretty sweet-looking, from some company in Stafford Springs, didn't catch the name. This wasn't the first new oil truck I've seen lately. If the oil industry is so bad, how can oil companies afford to buy new trucks? Aren't they hurting, too? The answer, of course, is no, at least not like the consumer. The consumer gets screwed. This reminds me of the beautiful glossy pamphlet I got last year from my oil company, complete with a very humble letter from the company president, thanking me for my business, saying something like he wished he could do more about those darn oil prices. I didn't remember ever getting a glossy pamphlet the previous years I had been with the company. Maybe it's me, but it seems that oil companies are jacking up the per gallon price - not to mention service contracts - and pocketing more than ever. They're taking advantage of a firghtened public and charging them even more. This makes me want to convert to gas, or even electric, heat - just to avoid having to deal with an oil company.

Lastly, also along the lines of transportation, I have a problem with minivan drivers. Not every one, but a lot of them. Does it not seem that they are in a hurry whenever you see them? Minivans were the 1980s answer to transporting a family efficiently. They were the new and improved station wagon. But I think the minivan has become symbolic of families actually losing control of their lives. I am by no means a speed demon on the highway - I drive between 65 and 80, depending on my mood - but it always seems that, when I'm in the left lane doing 75 or 80, a minivan is riding my back bumper. It is actually entertaining seeing minivan moms (or dads) trying to drive and hold a Dunkin' Donuts coffee (or perhaps Starbucks) and talk on a cell phone (which is illegal in Connecticut) while their kids are screaming from the 3rd, 4th and 5th row seats. Much is made about senior citizens and teenagers being awful drivers, but I think a strong case can be made for minivan drivers, regardless of their age. I have heard all the excuses about owning minivans - they are "functional," according to one person I know - but I think minivan drivers need to reevaluate what's happening to their lives. Having a minivan just means you're going to drive more. Rush around more. Buy more gas. It's a vicious cycle, a serious, serious problem.

Unless you own an oil company.

Why I Hate Caillou

Research has clearly shown that watching television is not terrific for toddlers. Of course, research does not always consider what reality is, either. Sometimes, parents need to use television to entertain their children, hopefully temporarily, or when they're on an important phone call, like with the satellite or cable company, to subscribe to some premium channels. It is important not to be bothered then.

My son watches a fair amount of television, but we try to balance his TV watching with active play and reading. He has liked several programs. Mister Rogers' Neighborhood (It's good to see someone encouraging children to have values - even if the show aired when I was a kid, in the 70s.) Thomas the Train (I enjoy the backgrounds, miniature waterfalls, tiny houses, and other cool landscapes.) Barney (Whom I despise, and, thankfully, he no longer watches). Curious George (Who actually is pretty funny).

His latest interest is an animated show, Caillou (pronounced KAI-OO). It's about a little bald preschool kid who lives with his parents and his sister. I don't know many other specifics - the names of other characters, etc. - but I recognize the irritating theme song and Caillou's familiar whining whenever the show is on.

Caillou soothes my son the same way a Prozac calms an adult. I wish this did not happen. My son is not a avid TV watcher but he will park his rear end on the couch for an entire episode. He sits there spellbound, practically. We do not have to worry about his well-being while Caillou is on. We could take a two mile jog and come home, and my son will be right where he was when we left.

The problem is that Caillou is not the kind of kid I want to have. He complains, tattles, is afraid of everything, disrespects his parents, and cries when he doesn't get his way. I am actually surprised the show made it on children's television, it teaches such crappy behavior. And, like any two-year-old, my son imitates what he sees. There are times he acts like dippy little Caillou.

I guess my son likes Caillou because he's a boy of similar age, going through apparently similar life events. Caillou's parents are annoyingly perfect, so I can imagine that other parents hate the show, too. (They do. I Google-searched "I Hate Caillou") To make matters worse, the program is narrated by a crabby-sounding woman, whom my wife can do a great impression of, by the way.

So the trick is to limit the exposure to this show. This sounds easy, but it ends up not being easy. It always seems that when we need my son to do something for us, we choose, typically out of desperation, to bribe him with Caillou. But then, our son expects Caillou to be on whenever he wants to watch.

It was good to hear today at a family Christmas party that our sister-in-law is going through the same struggles with our niece, who also likes the show. Our sister-in-law also hates Caillou and mentioned something about Caillou "going away" after the new year - kind of like how a parent explains what happens when a dog dies.

It's not such a bad idea.

Bye, bye, Caillou.

Santa Claus and His Old Lady

I heard this on the radio yesterday and had to stay in my car in the driveway until it finished. It was that funny. Old school funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSH9ryRzHQ4&feature=related

The whoosh of a record player

In my second Christian Science Monitor piece in less than a week, I wrote about my experience last year listening to my parents' phonograph, an outdated and flawed, but honest and wholesome, technology.

http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/1211/p18s02-hfes.html

Christian Science Monitor article published today

You know those tiny ceramic Christmas villages with the little figurines and fake trees? They've been a part of my life since I was a kid when my mom used to decorate the living room table with churches, toy stores, and skating ponds. The Monitor ran this essay about it this morning.

Here's the link.

http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/1206/p19s01-hfes.html

Cruel reminders of getting older

Hey,

One of the more disturbing things about being in your mid-30s - besides the fact that I keep spraining my freaking ankle playing basketball each week - is that companies begin to take advantage of the idea that you "need to prepare for the future." One example is the at least- twice monthly offers for additional life insurance.

I just received an offer - for the third time - from my Iowa-based insurer for "AD& D" protection. ( I guess my company figures that I'll be more likely to sign on as I get older.) The acronym stands for Accident Death and Dimemberment. What an uplifting thought!

For $19 a year - which I suppose is a bargain, when you think about it - my life is protected if I happen to die while riding as a passenger on public transportation (which I rarely take because there aren't a lot of places public transportation can take you in Connecticut, at least not from my town.) My insurance company uses the statistic by the National Safety Council that "accidents are the leading cause of death" in people under 39.

Now I am supposed to be scared.

The insurance policy will pay my "loved ones" $130,000 in the event of such a tragedy on public transportation.

These days, that will help my family get through one year, maybe a year and a half.

Perhaps my insurance company could have analyzed where I live (pretty rural place) and how long it takes me to get to work (10 minutes if I can do 80 in the left lane of Route 2; about 12 minutes if someone in a 1979 Chevrolet Caprice is in front of me). If I were a commuter living near the Metro-North railroad along the coastline, perhaps this would be of some benefit.

I will likely not opt for the AD&D policy. It doesn't seem to be worth it. But insurance is a subject that we 30-somethings have to suddenly consider, unfortunately. You pass through your 20s still thinking you're invincible in many ways, and that line of thinking carries over into your 30s. By that time, though, you have a mortgage, possibly kids, possibly pets, car loans, and credit cards that you're responsible for.

Time to "prepare for the future." Which you need to do. But life insurance, like creating a living will, is not a happy endeavor. It's a responsible endeavor, but not a happy one.

In the meantime, I plan to call the Prudential Insurance Company of America and tell them to stop sending me the AD&D enrollment form. And I'll plan on avoiding public transportation.

What I'm listening to...

Hey,

I'm always intrigued when famous people, particularly musicians, are interviewed and they say what's on their iPod or in their CD player. TIME Magazine sometimes asks people this in Q and A interviews. I don't know, I guess it gives me some glimpse of their personalities, since I believe music reveals a lot about a person.

See my Boston Globe column for my insights on this. (You have to scroll down a bit to see the essay)

http://www.boston.com/jobs/globe/view_cube/archive/062004.shtml

Anyway, I thought I'd share a playlist of what I'm listening to on my iPod, which isn't really an iPod, but a Dell mp3 player that the company stopped making after about two years because I'm surmising it wasn't profitable anymore.

This isn't representative of the range of stuff in my music library - it doesn't include Handel or Hall and Oates, for instance - but it's been a list good enough to keep my interest for the last month or two.

James Taylor: "Nothin' Like a Hundred Miles"

David Gray: "Say Hello Wave Goodbye"

Coldplay: "The Scientist"

Cake: "I Will Survive"

Foo Fighters: "Ain't It the Life"

Wallflowers: "Angel on My Bike"

Norah Jones: "One Flight Down"

Rob Thomas: "Streetcorner Symphony"

Gomez: "See the World"

Leroy: "Good Time"

Martin Sexton: "Happy"

Brett Dennen: "Ain't No Reason"

John Mayer: "Waiting on the World to Change"

Clem Snide: "Moment in the Sun"

Five for Fighting: "Easy Tonight"

Dispatch: "The General"

Ben Harper "Fight Outta You"

Joseph Arthur: "In the Sun"

Keane: "Everybody's Changing"

This particular playlist is especially good in the car, hanging out in the yard, or to listen to while drinking beer. It would also sound pretty good in my shoe store.

Best Sitcoms

Hey,

I'm getting ready to watch one of my favorite shows, Two and Half Men. The kids are sleeping, or perhaps they are squirming in their respective beds but they're at least quiet, and I'm planning to bring some ice cream upstairs to eat in bed with the wife. Peppermint stick. Friendly's special holiday flavor.

Two and Half Men is hilarious. The writers push the limits of acceptable network material. This gets me thinking of TV's all-time best sitcoms. This, of course, is skewed from the point of view of a 34-year-old. I've never watched more than 10 seconds of I Love Lucy.

Just my opinion, here, and I'd love to hear yours.

Yes, I've watched too much TV in my time, much to the detriment of my SAT scores.


Top Ten All-Time Sitcoms

10. Gilligan's Island

9. Mork and Mindy

8. Two and a Half Men

7. Friends

6. The Office

5. Scrubs

4. All in the Family

3. Cheers

2. Three's Company

1. Seinfeld

The Premise

Hey,

All right, after years of resisting the urge to blog, I think it's time. I read somewhere recently (I think it was on a blog) that authors and perspective authors without blogs can may as well forget any chance of getting noticed these days, so that's part of the reason.

The other thing is, I have a bunch of ideas that I'd like to say publicly, and newspapers, where I tend to get published, don't always have the courage to publish the writing I like best. A lot of these ideas center around being 30-something and living in a suburb, hence the creative title for this blog.

What a crappy opening message.

Anyway, the actual blog entries should get better. I plan to post at least once a week, kind of/sort of like my own unpaid column.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think.

My garbage

Hey,

Each week, as I drag seemingly endless bags of trash into the garage - I'm talking two or three bags every other day - I think to myself, "How the hell can a family go through this much garbage?"

It's enough to make me feel like I'm personally contributing to our global environmental crisis, and I'd rather not feel it's my fault.

On Sunday nights, this is particularly true as I stuff as many garbage bags as I can into the huge green trash container that my "waste disposal" company gives me. Garbage Day is Monday. And so, with every bit of strength that I have, I push bags into the trash container's crevices the way mice squeeze beneath my garage doors for winter warmth. I stand on a step stool and push down, down, down, in an effort to fit one more bag, a dead plant, a car tire, or something that is likely illegal, like empty asphalt containers and paint cans.

The trash container on Monday morning is always overflowing; it's just to what degree is it overflowing. Are the bags steady and just peeking out from under the top of the container? Or is it a blatantly obvious week, with a teetering pile of white bags threatening to topple into the road with a breeze from each passing car?

I leave for work on Mondays wondering, "Will the trash guys take it this week, or will they send my another snide letter reminding me not to overstuff the garbage and threaten to close my account?"

A problem, right now, is that we have two kids in diapers. Diapers alone probably account for at least two or three of the trash bags. Our daughter Alison, for instance, sometimes goes through ten a day. She is three months old. Our son Ethan, who is 2 1/2, probably shouldn't be in diapers anymore, but his messes help fill the garbage bags, too. We tried the whole Diaper Genie thing, but they don't work. I can't tolerate emptying an entire month of rotting feces. You think the john at a rest area smells bad.

(This reminds me - I wonder when I will be able to smell normally again? There are diapers in just about every room of our house, and it's taking a toll. They're in the trash upstairs in the bathroom, in our downstairs bathroom, under the kitchen sink, and sometimes, if we forget, lying around in our cars, remnants of trips to the grocery store or playground. The sick part is - and this is why I'm concerned here - is that they don't smell as bad as they used to. My theory is that we've lost the ability to smell them anymore. In fact, my sense of smell is weaker than ever. Big Red gum, which I used to chew when I was stuffed up because it cleared my sinuses, now just has the vague odor of poop, for instance.)

I'm considering canceling trash pickup - which, unfortunately, I have to pay for in my suburb - and bring the garbage to the dump myself. It would save us more than $300 a year. Of course, it would require a few trips a week, probably, and knowing us garbage would spill all over the interior of our cars. Another thing: Taking the trash to the dump myself would mean that I'd have more interactions with the head guy at our transfer station - who, like many head guys at transfer stations - is really weird. He always corrects me and tells me that I'm throwing stuff in the wrong place. (Is there a reason why a refrigerator doesn't belong with the cardboard?)

Also, if I brought my garbage to the dump myself, I'd have to tolerate the smell of diapers in the confines of a closed car.

I guess I'm willing to pay the $300.