Sunday, November 4, 2012

On the overwhelming need for a child to be first

I have a seven year old son, which means that for the last year, besides LEGOs and baseball cards, something that matters a whole lot in his world is being first. The other day, he announced that he was the first kid IN HIS SCHOOL in the morning. He supposedly beat everyone.

I guess that, developmentally, a child in first or second grade really values this premise. Winning, too, is incredibly important at this age. So is racing to places. During a basketball practice a few weeks ago, when the coach said not to run while dribbling, of course half of the kids sprinted. And my son was right in front, trying to be first, cutting the corners, even cheating a little.

And even though there is NO GOALIE and no one keeps score while playing Grade 1/2 soccer, a few of the kids privately keep track and tell their parents what the score really was on the ride home.

I remember some of this from my childhood - racing my friend to the car when my mother picked us up from school and bragging about who won. Counting the number of home runs we hit when playing baseball in the neighborhood. When I was in elementary school, the bus stop was right in front of my house, and a bunch of us used to try being the first one on the bus every day. It got so bad that my mother had to create a rotating order so that each of us had a chance to be first.  I recall seeing the list on the refrigerator door.

Is this need to be first and constantly have to win due to an evolutionary survival skill? Our way of adapting to our society's culture of competitiveness? Or is racing/ winning/ being first while doing things that are not innately competitive a child's way of bragging, feeling good about themselves, a raising of the ego, because they know that no one likes a loser?

I'll have to ask my son about this the next time he tells me he comes in first - or how he feels if he comes in second.